Neon Moment

from by Chii

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Everyone is looking for light. We're all in the dark searching for some light. We're so desperate that we stay in the dark and use fake lights to pretend we're happy. As a coping mechanism. Everyone has so many shadows dragging behind them every day, and yet they put on a happy face every day, because they believe they'll be rejected if they're anything else. But we're ALL in the same boat. We all desperately want connection and understanding and love and support. We just need to let the facade go. People going out clubbing is a great example of what I'm talking about. People go out and abuse their senses, fill themselves with anxiety, have meaningless conversations and poison themselves, all just to feel connection and belonging. Everyone pretends to be happy, and that they're having an incredible time, so everyone enables each other's facade to go on. It's symbiotic. Neon Moments. There's no real light. It's just a tacky substitute for real light and it's ugly and impure.

Musically this is probably the weirdest thing I've ever made. The start is almost entirely improvised. I experimented with improvisation a lot on this album, and the first few minutes of this piece, on which I improvised every part, things just fell into place. I love it. Sometimes things just work, you play and let yourself go where you feel like going and everything comes out exactly as it should. I played all the notes the song needed and I love that.

The end section for me represents, for me, trying to hold that facade whilst everything falls apart. There's a simple 4/4 rhythm repeating, and what's going on underneath that, at first, seems pretty under control and pleasant. That's how people present themselves, even to themselves. 'Everything's fine'. 'Life is good', and on the surface that seems believable. Gradually, as we spend more time with this facade, and get to know a person better, the 4/4, fake smile stays repeating on top, affirming 'everything is great!' whilst underneath that everything descends into complete chaos. To me that's a good reflection of the average person's dual life - a fake smile and fake persona on the surface, on social media and in their social life, juxtaposed with who they actually are, their real life, all of the 'unacceptable', suppressed aspects of themselves, falling apart behind the scenes, as they still force their facade to remain.

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from Drowning in This Fire, released April 12, 2017

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Chii Sheffield, UK

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